I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize