grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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