everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
