Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
