things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
