A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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