Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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