Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
