so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
