It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
