You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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