remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
