you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
