New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
