But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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