Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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