U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
only you would photoshop your dick
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
