need another drink. this is the easiest way
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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