No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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