I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
