why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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