I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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