I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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