Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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