Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
