at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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