i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
