Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
