My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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