You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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