he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had to cum in my sink.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize