Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
