you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
