i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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