Whats the glycemic index on semen?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
