the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
