the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
