I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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