eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
