Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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