yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
