There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
