So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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