It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize