I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
