So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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