Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
