So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
