so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
