Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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