we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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