Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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