I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i think i just lost a toe
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
