i already hear my dad disowning me
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
