I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
