all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
