You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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