Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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