its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
