Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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