dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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