I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
honey bunches of taint.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
