I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
