I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
organizing the empties. That sober.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
