Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
