My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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