dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So squirting runs in the family.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize