No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
