chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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